Anger and Buddhism

I read a lot of Thich Nhat Hanh because he understands the Christian perspective. But he also presents things simply. In his book Anger, he says we cannot hide anger. We need not supress anger but we need to address it like the same way that we address a stomach ache.

Acknowledge, ask, say, and then do something to sooth the anger. This does not mean beat people, stalk people, name call, slam doors, or hit walls. It means acknowledge the anger and look for how to alleviate it. Use the energy from anger to make something better, to articulate feelings so that they can be understood.

He relates it back to breathing. Breathe when you are angry. Let it simmer like a stew. Make it more appetizing to present. Instead, people bark, call names, exasperate and berate and derate. What does this solve?

Nothing.

I am faced this week with a dilemna. My boss says you must treat these people like children. He says it does not matter if they hate you or they hate me. Really? I listened and I felt disgraced. I went home and in the car shifting gears--is this me? I thought. No, it is him.

I watched the person that he likes to berate the most in meetings. His face dropped. He squeezed his hands. He sighed. Earlier that morning, the man complained that he had fast palpatations in his heart due to a "malfunction". Without being personal to him, I had asked, because he was anxious and sweating. He is also diabetic. The stress of doing work in the environment with this "hatred" is not healthy for him.

I was hired to make a change, but the culture is not ready for structure if the environment is cussing and hollering and lacking trust. To execute plans, a group needs to trust, whether its a family or a business.

Buddhism encourages words that express without demeaning. Christianity does also, but how do we do this and get our point across? How does everyone get heard? Structure and discipline are factors of a force required to complete goals. I believe it can be done without raising voices, but so many people today, do not listen.

Have you really heard the complaints that people present to you? Do you really know your people's talents and are you building a team that is enabling or are you leading based on fear?

As Dr Phil would say; "How is that working for you?"